Holiday season is well and truly upon us! I am seeing plenty of #hotdogsorlegs on Instagram and “How was your Monday?” with the classic sunset picture or beach attire selfie, which btw is really annoying but no doubt I will do it when I’m on holiday (77 days) soz, not soz.
I thought I’d make a list of things every girl in her twenties do before going on holiday.
1. Wax, shave, pluck every single hair off your body. Women shouldn’t have hair other than on their head, didn’t you know? But to be fair no one wants a pesky stray hair poking out their bikini bottom. Toes adorbz.
2. Buy a whole new wardrobe because even though you’re only going away for a week and you bought new clothes just last year, they are like so last season and I need new ones, okay? Okay!
3. I can put my hand on my heart and say I know for 100% FACT that everyone at some point has worried about their weight before going on holiday, it’s only human to worry about it! But in reality nobody actually really cares! Everyone is too busy trying to get the perfect “How was your Monday?” photo or scanning the menu for the most Instagramable (is that even a word) cocktail. Girl rock what yo’ mama gave you and have fun on the beach!
4. Again one that everyone does – charge every single piece of technologiez they own. Nobody wants to go on holiday without their Game Boy Colour which they haven’t use since 1999 but have charged every year.
5. While at home you’ll wear the same pair of leggings and jumper for two weeks straight but when it comes to going on holiday we’ll pack an outfit for during the day, a change for the evening and about 20849 bikinis. In reality you’ll wear two bikini the entire time awayand not even touch half the clothes packed. I think it must be wired in us to always pack too much and have spare clothes with us “just in case”.
6. As well as making sure every inch of your body is hair free there is a huge beauty regime that goes on before any girl goes on holiday. This usually includes scrubbing your skin red raw before applying fake tan or maybe even going to a sun bed. Making sure your feet are in tip-top condition, nobody wants cracked, dry heals on holiday and of course painted toes and hands either matching or in complimenting bright colours.
7. Switch your purse over from your big bulky wallet to a cute sparkly little coin purse which has your ID, a credit card (for holiday purchases, duh!) and some cash. No need to take every single loyalty card you own away with you, you ain’t gunna be sitting in Starbucks with a latte you’ll be sitting on the beach with a cocktail and maybe and ice cream too, after all you’re on holiday baby girl.
8. Worry about your pet. How will my baby bunny cope without me? You ask yourself. But really you get a friend or a parent to look after your little (or big) bundle of joy until you are home and they are fine. They might be a little sulky with you when you retun but five minutes of cuddles and you are back in the good books!
9. Buy all the books and magazines because you think you’ll get through like ten books a day and read the entirety of the WHSmith magazine collection before the plane has even taken off! But in reality there is no time at the airport to do anything other than rush around and put all your liquids in a tiny clear bag. Then when you get to your destination you find out your hotel has free WiFi so you spend your days on Instagram, Facebook and you maybe read one book.
10. You’re boarding the plane and you remember oh crap! You never put your out of office on at work. Oh well, never mind, future me can deal with that!
Okay, bye. I’m off to dream about tropical islands now.